So this is a good time to check how I'm going well I am going at pretending to be Australian (considering that, technically, I am a permanent resident, not a citizen anyway). The list below are taken from this article posted on Mashable.
1. Learn to love coffee
With Italians making up the largest European migrant group after the Brits and Irish, unsurprisingly coffee culture is pretty big. Mine's a "long black" - whatever you do, never call it an "Americano". Want white? 'Flat white' or 'skinny flat' if you're on a diet.
Verdict: PASS
August 2009 at Bertoni in Balmain
2. Complain about the weather
It's always too hot, or it's too cold. Top temperature in Sydney today is 16 (which is fairly cold by Sydney standards). When it hits 40 degrees in the summer it's lockdown - close the windows, shut the blinds and lie very still.
Verdict: FAIL
You'd think that being English this would be an easy one to pass, but I just cannot - in good conscience - whinge about the weather. Sydney is NEVER cold. It may hit 3-4 degrees at 3 am on the coldest night of the year, but really, it's just not that cold here. People think it's cold because they live in houses that aren't equipped to handle the (two week long) winter or, more usually, they wear the same clothes as the rest of the year and object to it not being the same ambient 24 degrees. And as for the heat - as a Pom, is there really such thing as "too hot"?
3. Hold on to trends like they're going out of fashion
This is a Sydney/Melbourne thing, I think.... not sure that this one applies in Dubbo or Longreach.... still, tats, piercings and sculpted facial hair all seem to have their own fashion trends.
Verdict: FAIL
I couldn't tell you what was in fashion and what is out. That all passed me by long ago (if ever).
4. Eat one meal a day: brunch
Again a city thing this one and part of the 'café' scene. Get up late and have brunch. Australian café food has to be among the best in the world... it's a foodie's paradise here and brunch is served by many places all day.
Verdict: PASS
Ok, I'm going to give myself this one. On a bit of a budget these days so brunch is a rare luxury, but certainly when in Balmain and Rozelle this was almost a weekend ritual. A big brunch would get me through the day.
Ok, I'm going to give myself this one. On a bit of a budget these days so brunch is a rare luxury, but certainly when in Balmain and Rozelle this was almost a weekend ritual. A big brunch would get me through the day.
5. Pay an outrageous amount of rent
House prices in Sydney and Melbourne are among the highest in the world. Home ownership is the Aussie dream - "Gimmie a home amongst the gum trees.... a sheep or two and a kangaroo, clothesline out the back, verandah out the front and an old rocking chair". Rent is STUPIDLY high and competition is cutthroat.
Verdict: PASS
$600 a week for a one bedroom place in Rozelle was the most exy - not quite that here in Lane Cove, but it is still high and a 'lifestyle' choice. Competition for this place was so intense I had to put down a deposit and agree to take the place before I'd seen it!
$600 a week for a one bedroom place in Rozelle was the most exy - not quite that here in Lane Cove, but it is still high and a 'lifestyle' choice. Competition for this place was so intense I had to put down a deposit and agree to take the place before I'd seen it!
6. Learn your rivals
If you're in Sydney, you hate Melbourne. If you live in Melbourne, you hate Sydney. And of course everyone hates New Zealand. I always used to struggle telling the difference between them, but not anymore!
Verdict: PASS
Whilst everyone wants to beat the Poms, I'm more than happy to play this game and gang up on the kiwis or Queensland or Melbourne.... Am very much a fan of the NSW Waratahs ad support Australia against NZ and South Aftrica in rugby and cricket so, whilst my allegiance in the Ashes and Rugby World Cup will be eternal, I'm giving myself a pass for this one.
7. Travel
Was surprised to see this on the list, but then I guess many Aussies have, or will, do the 'travel' thing at some stage before they hit 30, going to far flung places and, of course, Earls Court.
Verdict: PASS
Am all over this one and can hold my own in any 'W***packer' conversation about meeting Indian mystics, illegal late night drinking dens in Morocco or catching a train from London to Hanoi. Yep, smugness all the way.
8. Let reality TV consume you
The Voice or Australia's Got Talent are the key to being relevant apparently.
The Voice or Australia's Got Talent are the key to being relevant apparently.
Verdict: FAIL
AM a big Masterchef fan and Grand Designs addict (I also watched the whole of "I Wanna Marry Harry" last week), but given my antipathy for the rest of the genre, I don't think I can claim this one.
9. Don't ever say "G'day" in the city
"How you going", "no worries" are ok apparently - "G'day" needs to be reserved for those places which are a long, long way from the city.
Verdict: FAIL
I say it all the time. "How you going" (nb note the absence of question mark) I've never felt comfortable with.... is it a question? Are you supposed to reply? What is the standard response? I just don't get it.
10. Know the difference between cricket and baseball
Cultural dissonance occurs for me more when it comes to American cultural influence than anything else.
Verdict: PASS
This is one where my English roots make this an easy win. I do struggle with calling football 'soccer', but then Aussie Rules ("AFL") Rugby League ("NRL") and Rugby Union are all called footy. It seems ridiculous to use the same word for three sports, let alone four. AFL, for the record, is so much better than Rugby League, in my humble opinion.
11. Make fun of yourself constantly
Australians are a self-deprecating lot. Sarcasm and not taking things too seriously (this goes right to the top of government) is the name of the game.
Verdict: FAIL
I am just far too serious and take myself WAY too seriously. Seriously.
Overall score: 6/11
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