Crayons, Connect Four and the Common Agricultural Policy

So yesterday I was helping to colour-in pictures of Christmas trees and stockings. Today is an essay on the European Common Agricultural Policy. I have, in the past, often joked about the 'CAP' in the context of the most boring thing of which I could think (there are a few others, but I wouldn't want to offend anyone); I didn't imagine having ever having to write about the CAP. In fact by posting this I am successfully avoiding it.

My confidence has taken a bit of a battering, having lost to a 5 year old at Connect Four yesterday. I had developed the art of playing various games in which I nearly win, but then 'accidentally' lose at the last minute. I say 'developed' because I'm so ridiculously competitive it was difficult to do. At Trinity I was only asked once to compete in the annual Staff v 'Old People About to Die in Whitgift House care home' croquet match; the strict instruction was to lose gracefully in each 'matchplay' pairing. I won mine on the basis that it would have looked ridiculous had I missed the stick from 2 feet away, and I also thought it was a bit patronising.  It was pointed out that this was tantamount to pushing my adversary in to the grave, and was accused by Julian of being too competitive (something he pointed out to all staff each year when asking for volunteers, whilst simultaneously banning me from playing). 

Anyway, I digress. I lost Connect Four, but alas, not deliberately. My opponent, a 5 year old boy, or should I say 'experienced and canny hustler', had a 50 cent coin which he kept trying to use in place of his proper counters. Another 5 year old boy, who was umpiring the game, said this was permissible because it was a 'magic' coin. It transpired that my opponent was also permitted to 'magically' remove the last counter I had inserted, if the umpire decided that this piece was susceptible to such an attack. I did of course protest, but to no avail. With my attention distracted by these apparently arbitrary rules, my opponent then snuck in with a devastating play that left me the loser. To compound my humiliation, the 'umpire' was so excited that in releasing all the counters he accidentally hit my in the face, and then deliberately hurled the magic coin across the room where it did, in fact, vanish for about an hour, reducing its owner to tears. It certainly ranks as the most eventful game of Connect Four I have played for some time; and far more interesting that the impact of subsidies for French farmers on the European economy.


But anyway, back to the formation of the EEC....